VALENWHATEVER

I know it is a cliched subject. For that reason I feel obligated to bring up the subject again. Women. A lot has been said about them. Many mean spirited things, most true eventually, but nonetheless mean spirited and perhaps not enough.

Women are from another planet. They have an immense cock envy because on their planet there is none. They hate men. They are jealous of the fact that a bunch of guys can have a great time without having to (a. be pregnant (b. have an abusive boyfriend or (c. need to buy tampons on a sunday 20 kms from the nearest store and no wheels.

And the ultimate reason that all women are bitter is because they work too hard. Fuck, if it was not for cunt accessories the world economy would come to a halt and Iraqi insurgents would shoot another US Marine.

I've had girlfriends (due to my massive fear of pertruding objects up my anus and for no other reason) who have told me about their lives in slavery. Horrrible tales of actually working to make money. Hours spent on activities other than watching Ricki Lake and shopping for lipstick. Days wasted on labour instead of being a slut and scoring free drinks and a fuck from unsuspecting and gullible bar patrons.

HAIRDRESSER

My hairdresser girlfriend had a horrible life. She had to go to work and cut people's hair. Imagine the intellect you need to use scissors. Fuck. snip snip snip. She worked at least 6 hours a day. Doing stuff. Having a cigarette in the staff toilet, paging through hair magazines, talking to faggots who wish they had tits and can have a cigarette in the staff toilet and page through hair magazines. She always came home and told me in detail what a horribly busy day she had and how her job was draining her and how life is hard and blah blah blah and I have no idea what's it is like out there with all the faggots who want hair magazines.

FILM CHICK

I have this girlfriend who works in the film industry. In Cape Town. I Know, it's redundant. You live in Cape Town and you're either working in the film circle jerk or you're a model from brazil. Granted, she works long hours, she lets me know about her long hours every couple of minutes and how my job is a worthless hippie piece of crap because I don't work 17 hours a day. Boo hoo. But she is probably right though, I merely sit in front of a computer for 9 hours a day and play solitaire. See, I hit the jackpot of jobs! I was chosen out of 6 billion people to become the official solitaire bug tester for Microsoft. Meanwhile she's interacting with people, going on film shoots , getting invited to wrap parties and giving famous directors' assistants blow jobs.

BAR LADY

My bar lady girlfriend was probably my best ever. I saw her a lot in our relationship and sometimes she would even serve me before the rest of the bar patrons. We were totally in love. I think I even kissed her once. Our dates usually ended when she had to close the bar and felt really tired because she has a real job and has to go sleep with her stuffed toy called carlo. I never complained, I mean, I know what hard work is, but I guess that solitaire never quite reached the level of hardships that barladies with huge rugby player boyfriends named carlo had to endure.

Yes you guys, you worthless pieces of shit. This is a wake up call. Get away from your menial jobs in front of computers trying to run the world economy. As a matter of fact. Stop working! Get a girlfriend, marry them. Make little babies and change their nappies and breastfeed them with your cocks. We needn't worry anymore because the women, those hard working slaves, those beautiful professionals who do not have the time or energy to ponder the logistics of your solitaire skills have taken over and they will do a fine job manufacturing the future of mankind just like Maggie Thatcher or a host of other disgusting self centered power hungry cunts who think that solitaire is just a game.

Besides, what more does man need than porno flicks, a drink and a haircut?