My dear valentine
I'm writing you this letter because I don't think we should be together any more. I would have told you this in person, but i haven't seen you in a while, and i'm not sure i could look you in the eye anway.
You've always been the perfect gentleman to me, never pushed the limits, never done anything wrong. in fact that is part of the problem. you have this squeaky clean thing going for you that, lets face it, is perhaps a little extreme. things would be so much better between us if you could just lighten up. My parents love you, grandparents too, especially after some of my more bizarre choices in the past, but i find myself getting bored. Buts its unrealistic of me to ask you to change, even though i feel you've expected me to change a lot in our time together.
I don't feel like i've gotten to know anything new about you in ages. And my sense of who you are is mostly based on stories and heresay. Before we got together i'd heard so much about all these cool, extreme things you'd done, but there has been nothing like that since. And you never reveal anything about yourself, yet expect me to share everything. I think thats unfair.
Our communication is completely one sided. I do all the talking. you just keep quiet. as you can see i've given this some thought and its not just one thing, but a whole combination of things that makes me certain that our time is up. Things just aren't working.
Another example: your father. the man is a control freak, he has to have a finger in every pie. and he is unpredictable - one moment he is crapping all over people, the next he is doling out second chances like municiple condoms. oh and lets not start on his inconsistant stances on everything from birthcontrol (how repressed is that), to gays and "the woman's place". This man is a dinosaur, yet everything he says you treat as law. you idolise the man! i just can't take it any more.
And a touchy subject: the open relationship thing has been a bit of a stress to me, to be honest. i know i agreed to it, but i never expected it to be like this. you're with or have been with just about every girl i know. and you're completely indiscriminate. when they treat you like shit you just take them back, again and again. you have no standards!
One other thing then, since i'm sure you're already hurt by what i've said (hey you can't blame me, you're always pushing for honesty). you really need to think about getting a haircut. in fact a whole new look. you could be far more attractive if you changed your look. the long unwashed hair and scruffy sandals may have been cool 2000 years back, but its hardly sexy.
and so, jesus, i think that this is the end of the road for us. its customary to suggest that we remain friends, but lets face it. we hardly move in the same circles. so i wont' try to contact you. and i'm certain you won't be trying to contact me.