As any asshole with a Kindergarten diploma can see, the site has not been updated in a while. I could make excuses about how busy I am and what wonderful work I am doing on a grass roots level within my community but if I do I would be blatantly lying through my cigarette stained blackened teeth that are only out-blackened by the pulsating throbbing of my lecherous heart.
Now before some Second year Science Major gets his cock in a knot and yells out that:"Throbbing can't be black!" I would like to say that you can go fuck yourself because your entire life is built on improbable theories that are all WRONG!
Won't you oh-so-fucking-self-righteous book taught ones feel foolish when you die and be made to stand in front of a bearded vengeful giant black man and go:"Oh fuck, Newton was right!" And there I will be too, sitting on the right side of the Big Homie in da Sky toking at some reefer, giggling until I fucking wet myself at your stupid bespectacled faces. That's what you get for being a nerd motherfucker!
But the truth is, the site has been stagnant because quite simply put, I am in love. I never really believed in love, as a matter of fact, at one stage in my life I downright despised the idea of "love" and viewed it as an archaic term used only in the persuit of free sex. But I can no longer deny the overwhelming power of this four letter word. It has ensnared me in its iron grip and has injected me with happy-steriods so much so that for every waking hour of any given day my heart is filled with joy and the immense beauty that romance brings.
Surely nobody can blame love for their sudden laziness and disinterest in the world of dumb websites. Just the other day I was considering changing the design of this website to reflect the floral aroma that is now inside of me. Publish only love related things, like poetry, like discussions on Meg Ryan movies and a recipe exchange for hot chocolate. You know, give the site name, nihil, a whole new meaning. When one is in love, NOTHING(nihil) else matters!
Yes. I am in love with my penis and have admittedly been spending too much time with it. But it just feels so... so right! We do everything together. We go out to dinner, go dancing, go for long walks on the beach holding hands and somedays we just lie in bed all day and look longingly at each other completely immersed in our new found bliss.
It is strange though, these new feelings, emotions that I've developed for my penis. It's always been there, and sure, we had a fling or two before but it never led to anything beyond that. We've actually shared a lot together, went through many ups and downs, but it is as if we never really, truly, noticed each other.
And it just takes one spark to change everything. For cupid to completely throw your life out on a limb and leave you hanging, gloriously confused with that permanent feeling of neausea gnawing away at your insides like a hungry rat that's eating its way out of your stomach. A single spark to ignite a fire of passion and lusty playfulness and that "thing" you once knew begins to grow on you and finds a special place in your heart and is no longer the thing just dangling there but your lover, your partner in trust, your love gun.
I love my penis.
But NONE of this has ANYTHING to do with the nihil FUCKALL EXTRAVAGANZA!
Yes indeedy, nihil.co.za is hosting the first ever FUCKALL EXTRAVAGANZA, a quiet evening filled with freakshows, a live suspension as well as live punk and death metal bands. We at nihil decided that Cape Town has become too fucking pussyfied and we wanted to prove it.
So we went to parliament.
We laid out a presentation to the people who run our country and made them aware of the dangers of pussyfication in a nation. We pointed out what would happen if Cape Town especially, gets wiped by a wave of pussyness. The fall in exports. The impact on the Gross Domestic Product. The fact that this important port city will come to a standstill and degenerate into a city of whiney liberal cunts who drink white wine spritzers and listen to new age music. President Mbeki was stunned, the only word he uttered was:"Eish!"
Actually none of that happened but it would have been pretty cool if it did because then we can set up a special commission of inquiry with a military wing and shoot everyone over the age of 27 years and 2 months and anyone else who wear denim or clothes that has colour, in a classified operation codenamed: Operation Grow-Some-Balls.
Instead we just got drunk, phoned a couple of bands and asked them to play and they said "Yeah man whatever, will there be titty?" and we said, "Sure man, titty, sure" and whammo we had a party, or as the pussies like to call it: an event.
So basically, what this whole waste of server space is all about is:
Come to our fucking party!
It's at this nifty hole called Da Pub, which used to be called Arties Underground back in the day when people still went out to get drunk and... well, get drunk and have a good time. So come to Da Pub and get drunk, watch some bands: The Electric Fuck Pirates (quite possibly the worst band you will ever have the opportunity to witness); The Monomen (punk-metal type vibe); 3 Chord Theory(Punk); Left for Dead(Death Metal) and Three Bored White Guys(Rockabilly). Inbetween the noise, the Carnival of Freaks will keep you entertained along with the magnificent DJ WinAmp and some other people who aren't really important.
The nihil FUCKALL EXTRAVAGANZA!
27 August 2004.
@ Da Pub (ex-Arties, 34 Riebeeck Str, next to adult world)
Doors open at 8
And all this will only cost you R6.66